unique perspectives from six people

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Do You Eat Everything On Your Plate?

#1 They Did Their Best With The Information Available

Do I eat everything on my plate? If I ever want to get up from the table and go play, i certainly do!

Am I now overweight? Yes.

Of course, my tiny little parents could hardly have foreseen that their only daughter would be so very different from them in regard to body type.

Do I blame them?

I admit that it was not until adulthood that I learned to notice when my stomach is full. And I might be able to attribute that oversight to the "eat everything on your plate" statute. But to be fair, I might just as easily attribute that omission to the fact that I really enjoy eating - and my weight to lots of other emotional and physical factors that have nothing to do with my parents.

What can a parent do but train their children to do what they believe is right?

I would guess that most of my peers would consider the way I was raised, excessively strict. But my parents loved me, and I've always known that. And if they had been able to see the future, they would likely have encouraged some dietary snobbery. But they did their best with the information available, and I am very thankful for the way they raised me.


Submitted by Beth Rogers. Visit her blog - Veritable Observations.

#2 Daddy Was Always Too Busy With Church

Dad and Mom were married in 1950. He shipped off to Korea within 5 weeks. Not a long honeymoon for a young man and his 16 year old bride. He came home 2 years later. He attended a church service and was saved.

His faith was intense. That's how Daddy was...passionate. He loved to the extreme. His passion was Jesus Christ. He joined a small Baptist church and became a Sunday School teacher. Then a deacon. Then the treasurer. Tuesday and Thursday nights were spent in "visitation"...going door-to-door inviting folks to church. On the first Monday of every month was the "Men's meeting." Wednesdays we had church. Sunday morning he taught Sunday school. Sunday night we were in training union. Saturdays he spent cleaning up the church grounds and getting the building ready for Sunday morning.

Besides this...he had 3 jobs. Daddy died at a young age...in his early 50's. I got to spend a lot of time with him, since I'm older. I don't resent the time Daddy spent at the church ...however my younger siblings have suggested they missed out on spending time with Dad. In fact, my youngest brother is hesitant to devote so much time to the church (same church we grew up in) because he remembers how he wanted to be with Daddy, but Daddy was always too busy with church.


Submitted by Toni Donaldson

#3 Damn The Consequences, This Is Boring As Hell...

We all rebel at some point from the excessive obsessions of our parents. For instance, my personal growth has been very strongly molded by my trying to live up to and then my rebelling from mother's obsession with "success" (not so much in general as her very specific concept of the word). And, her obsession actually came from her parents' alcoholism and failures ( their generational excess). My mother grew up on the North side of Houston on Little York Street. For those of you not familiar with the area, I'll sum it up by just saying it was pretty rough and pretty "blue collar." Granted, she grew up in a nicer part of it, but her parents were alcoholics, so being from the nicer side of the tracks didn't matter much in terms of developing self-worth. My mother carried the shame of that all of her life (not just inside, but on the outside in the form of pronounced burn scars from the time my grandmother accidentally set the house on fire in a drunken stupor). This created in my mother a kind of intense determination that she would become "white collar," make a lot of money, send her kids to prep school (didn't happen, by the way; I wouldn't go), send her kids to the best colleges, have a beautiful large house in the suburbs, and just generally become one of the class of people who usually did those things. To her, those things were tangible proof of not having succumbed to the same pitfalls of her parents.

So, when I turned out to be a straight-A student early on in school, I think my mother's expectations of me were set in motion. I was to be perfect. I was to be everything my mother never had the chance to be... I spent a lot of time attaining my mother's dreams. Eight years to be exact. I got into one of the top 20 universities in the nation, I moved to New York City, I got into law school, I passed the bar exam on my first try... I became very impressive on paper and in conversation. Somewhere along the way, though, I started thinking, "Did I really choose this?" Until I graduated from law school, all of my "next steps" were simply implied (e.g., go to college, date business men, go to graduate school, etc.). So why did I feel something was missing on the cusp of having achieved all of this? I started thinking about how I always had an extremely negative reaction when I overheard my mother talking about my accomplishments; it always sounded like she was talking about herself. Or, to be more precise, an extension of herself. It felt like I was another item on a list of things that made her "fit" with a certain class of people. I think what I felt was lacking was the sense that all of those achievements were mine.

That's when the rebellion started. I looked at my job in finance and my corporate law classes, and said, "Damn the consequences, this is boring as hell." I looked at the guy I was dating and said, "Yes, he's very successful financially and nice enough, but I want something deeper, something more." I looked at my beautiful city, New York, and as much as I love it still to this day, I said, "I've got to leave you now; it's time for me to get back to the South and garden." Simply put, I shed my mother's concept of success, and I found my own.

I'm not angry at my mother anymore for her transfering what I consider a faulted obsession with "success" to me in my formative years. I can't imagine what she went through in her early life, and I can't say I wouldn't have thought the same things she did about how to achieve success. Plus, it got me where I am today. I've been all over the world, I'm a lawyer, etc... I got some serious ambition from her, and I'm thankful for that. However, I can't help but dream of an alternative reality where I'm somewhere in Africa digging for extinct hominids after having completed my Ph.D. in Biological Anthropology. Who knows? I'm young yet, and I might just do exactly that someday. For now, though, I have to admit, I'm pretty successful in my eyes. Meaning, I found the someone more I was looking for, I have a garden, my career focuses on criminal law and social issues (right up my alley), and most importantly, I'm happy. The most ironic part of this story is that now that I'm happy, so is my mother. She got most of what she wanted, and it turns out, one of the most important things she wanted was for me was to be happy and fulfilled.

So, in the end, despite the dysfunction that generational excesses can have, there are pros and cons. And, if one can recognize them when they're causing cons or they've led you to become too rigid in your path, they provide huge opportunities for growth in both of the generations involved.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#4 An Excess of Commitment Can Show Passion

I remember a few years ago, I was visiting a friend of mine out in Austin, TX and she suggested that we have lunch at a restaurant called "The Hula Hut." I had never been there and I always enjoy new dinning experiences, so naturally I was on board for the adventure. After quite a few minutes of deliberation over what would become my meal of choice, I settled on the shrimp quesadillas. I sat at the table with high expectations for the deliciousness of my food, mainly because I was really hungry. When the food finally arrived I sat in awe - with no attention paid to the enormous size of my entree - and prepared myself for feasting. As I made my way through each pre-cut section of my meal I indulged myself in how every piece was more satisfying than the one before, giving no attention to how full my stomach had become. Near the end I felt that I may have reached my capacity.

However there was one piece left. It was a showdown and I knew it would be a tough. I strongly contemplated my situation including listening to the advise of my friend. She said to me, "Don't do it Damian. You will have a stomach ache. Save it for later as a snack." Save it for later? She was crazy. Everyone knows food is never as good the second time around, especially seafood. Despite my respect for my friend's opinion, I went for it; I ate the last piece. In the end, when we left, we had to lay the passenger seat down because I was unable to sit upright.

I was never really pushed into one particular direction by my parents. I was given my choices. I do believe though that persistence of a lifestyle without comparison can lead to rejection. A person needs to experience everything on their plate within their own terms, learn as we go. While I can go on and on about parental influence, I would like to discuss the negativity of personal indulgence.

A Pastor can be a strong leader and offer guidance to those who are new, lost in life, or just looking for answers about fulfilling a Christian life that is pleasing to Jesus Christ. However, too many times I have seen fellow Christians rely to heavily on the words of their pastor instead of the words that God has for them. While God has planned a relationship for each individual, I also believe that we each have our own interpretation of the Bible and what it means to us. Christians who indulge in the words of their pastor alone rely solely on another person's interpretation of a relationship with God. In the book of Jeremiah, God professes that He "has a plan for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm." Though it is our responsibility to do our own work, ask the questions, and discover for ourselves what it means to be a Christian.

On the other end, too much of something can be positive. In some cases, an excess of commitment can show passion. Passion can drive life, I know in some areas it has driven mine. I think though that it is important that we pursue passion without a bigoted attitude. Just as people go, not one opinion on a general subject is greater than another. We find this with the "Six Perspectives" blog, the approach and acceptance of various ideas instead of conceding to just one.

Share your passion, don't force it. Respect the anticipations and expectations of those around you. One thing that has really influenced my Christian life is that I began to ask my own questions and after awhile it became less of a routine and more of a passion.


Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"

#5 You Boys Need To Mow The Yard Today

I bet I’m not the only person who had to mow the yard when I got old enough to do so. At first it was fun pushing the mower around the yard, but after a while I dreaded hearing “You boys need to mow the yard today.” Dad would utter those words twice a week. I’m not kidding. Wednesday and Sunday were yard days. The grass had barely recovered from the last mowing. My brother and I would always try to weasel out of at least one of the mowings. Maybe that’s why I dread mowing the lawn and I look forward to the day when our son is old enough to mow.

Submitted by Neal Harkner. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#6 Thanks To My Parents...No Really, Thanks.

There is a balance that we naturally and unknowingly establish between nature and nurture. (Yes, the “Nature vs. Nurture” argument...) Regardless of the side that wins in the end, I think we would all agree that environment and parental re-enforcement at least play a part in “Why we do what we do?”

My parents give. They give ‘till it hurts. They give time, money, support – anything they can – to the causes in which they believe.

To be extreme...when I was growing up, I only knew giving. I was taught to give at church and to keep my commitments. In college, I would regularly give away money to other people when they asked – if I had it to give. A couple of years ago, I gave my best jacket ($$$) to a homeless person because he was really cold (the jacket was a gift from my mother-in-law...a long story). I even gave away my car to a young woman who needed it (I believe she had a young child). I share these stories not because I’m entirely proud of them, but because I think I was partially in the wrong by sacrificing what I needed in order to fulfill someone else’s need.

But giving is certainly a positive behavior, right?

It was only after marrying my wife that I realized my penchant for giving was not entirely positive. She and I have discussed – at length – what we need, financially, to support our family and future. Previously following my giving instincts, though, would’ve seriously jeopardized our financial stability. I've now realized that in learning to “give ‘till it hurts”, I never really learned to value the importance of saving or the value of planning for my future. Don’t get me wrong; these things were definitely valued by my family – but not as highly as giving to those in need.

I’m learning a new balance between giving and everything else – but I’ll always be a “giver” at heart, thanks to my parents...No really, thanks.


Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Are Gender Roles Valid?

#1 Wives Should Submit To Their Husbands

Men and women are equal, but they should have different roles. One particular gender role that I find valid and helpful is male headship in marriage. Yes, I'm a happily married woman (arguably, the happiest of all married women) and my husband is and should be the head of the household.

Practically speaking, one person must be the head. In Part Six of Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis reasons that one person needs the designation of the final-decision-maker because if a married couple disagrees and can't come to a consensus, then there are only two possible options: the couple separates or one opinion wins out. Wouldn't it be nice if there were some way to decide whose opinion would trump? Wisely, God designed marriage in such a way that the male would be the leader and female the supporter. Notice that this does not mean that men are superior to women; Jesus, being fully equal in power and glory with God the Father, submitted to Him, just as wives should submit to their husbands.

You don't necessarily have to believe in the Christian God in order to buy into the logic of male headship; empirically, it seems that male and female are different and that male headship works in accordance with this difference. (Also, I would like to make the disclaimer that not all Christians agree with my perspective either.)


Submitted by Amanda Stevens. Visit her Facebook Profile.

#2 Since I Can Cook, I Might Give It A Whirl

Gender-based roles happen. And they eliminate confusion. Almost by necessity, gender roles help us operate efficiently in society, community and family. Without them, we’d be forced to have the “Political Correctness” test before everything. I can just imagine what I’d say:

“Honey, I’m hungry – so I’m going to make dinner for us… Are you OK with that? I know its your turf and all, but I figured. Since I can cook, I might give it a whirl.”

But now that I write this, I think I remember Brandi and I having a similar conversation once before. And it didn’t really cause a rip in the veil…because we were open-minded and willing to serve one another.

Gender roles are only wholly invalid when accompanied by closed-mindedness.

Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#3 Women Have Taken Over The Only Roles In Which Men Excel...

~As the subject relates to feminism.

Women have proven themselves to be strong and capable and excellent in truly any field they choose to exploit. I don't think that is up for discussion.

Did feminism do American society any favors? In the end, not really.

While women, as a gender, have the ability to run nations and corporations and anything else they want to run, men, as a gender, generally have neither desire nor equal abilities to raise children and manage the delicacies of homemaking.

American feminism has proven that women can do whatever we want. The movement has also spawned entire generations of children who rarely eat dinner with their families, come home from school to empty houses, spend their early childhoods in daycare, and are raised largely by the public school system and their peers. Feminism encourages women to despise their traditional giftings and believe that what men are doing is better. Women have taken over the only roles in which men excel and abandoned the roles men cannot fill, leaving the vital roles of homemaker and child rearer, simply unattended.

Was it worth it?

Submitted by Beth Rogers. Visit her blog - Veritable Observations.

#4 We're Not Completely Animals, Are We?

Of course gender roles are valid. As is the case with most cliches, there are some truths to gender-specific stereotypes such as women feelings their "biological clocks" ticking and men experiencing mid-life crises. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution unfortunately (or fortunately?) mean that women take on much of the child rearing duties so assigned to them in their "gender role" while men take on much of the "spreading their seed" duties assigned to them in theirs. It makes perfect sense for the longevity of our species for the females to take on duties such as staying home with the children, preparing meals, cleaning the home, etc.; they carry the offspring and those duties ensure their survival. It also makes perfect sense for the men to work outside the home; they don't have the biological burden of carrying offspring. And, as an added bonus of not carrying the offspring, they are free to spread their genetics all over the place while the women are taking care of these duties in order to ensure genetic variation of the species and the "strongest" surviving.

However, we're not completely animals, are we? That is why while gender roles are valid, they shouldn't be inflexible. I'd like to think what separates humans from other animals is a sense of morality and social justice, and gender roles should be flexible inasmuch as morality and social justice require it. I don't think women should be forced (either literally or by societal pressures to be "perfect women") into procreation or being a stay-at-home mother as much as I don't think they should be forced to wear the nigab or have sister wives. I also don't think that Ellen Degeneres is an abomination because she married Portia De Rossi and likes to dress like a boy (as a matter of fact, I think that's just fine and adorable to boot). Additionally, I think men should be freed from this thought that their worth is based on their ability to provide (in modern America, usually meaning "making a bunch of money"). I also think it debases their worth to be pressured into enjoy strip clubs, seeing Paris Hilton's vagina on the internet, or liking fake breasts if that's not their thing (as if it made them less "manly" that they wanted something more).

In any case, I like to bake bread, can vegetables, and have been getting baby fever just as much as the next woman in her late 20s (well, the baby fever part anyway; I'm pretty sure the first two may just be because I'm a closet hippie). But, I am also not comfortable with the thought of not having a choice on whether to fulfill my traditional gender role. Knowing that society is filled with individuals like me makes it imperative, in my opinion, for gender roles to be flexible.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#5 Even After "Working All Day"

I guess it would depend on which gender roles you are discussing...

Depending on whether you are looking at the cultural norms of Biblical times, of the American 1950s, of the Taliban Afghanistan, or of modern America; gender roles are defined by the present community.

Living in America, I have the right to define men and women as equal partners; however, embracing equality does not mean that I deny differences. In my family, my husband and I simply do what is needed to make our family function smoothly. I don’t mind doing the laundry, but I absolutely hate cooking dinner. My husband doesn’t mind cooking dinner (even after "working all day") when he gets home, but he doesn’t care about dusting or organization as much as I do. I mean, no one wants to take out the trash or clean the bathrooms; but why should one "job" be specifically deemed better for one gender than for the other?

As for parents who work by staying home or at a job away from home, I believe the same rule should apply. I have done both. I sometimes believe Jason would be far better a stay-at-home (work-at-home) parent than me. Unfortunately, I could not put my master’s degree to good use in order to be the salary earner after leaving church ministry. Had I been able to obtain a job that would have allowed Jason to be home with the children, this would have been our choice. Ultimately, I do believe during the first five years of a child’s life, a parent at home is irreplaceable...an invaluable experience for both the parent and the child. Yet, if this option is available, I do not believe the best parent for the job should be decided by gender...

Wouldn’t passion or desire seem a better option? Sometimes we ask the wrong questions, and when we do, we are never able to answer correctly...


Submitted by Brandi Buchanan, M.Div. Visit her blog – The Living Witness.

#6 Deciding To Stay Home And Raise Children Is The Hardest Job

My initial thought/reaction is "for whom?" and "for when?"

I would like to reply for our day, time, and culture, but I think that the best approach is usually contextual, and therefore historical. Only when you understand the past can you truly understand the present. The goes for our own interpersonal lives or our own culture throughout time, or even historically cross-culturally, as what we are really talking about are gender roles here in American. And since we are a melting pot, of varying cultures, religion, and yes of time (generational expectations), we really need to think of these things in perspective of their context to ask such a bold question as "are they valid."

If you take the perspective that a woman should be "barefoot, pregnant, and always in the home" one might initially think you could only place this mentality in 1950’s American, however I could also ascribe this worldview to modern day Afghanistan, or even rural parts of the south this very moment. But you can find variations of this all over the world still very much alive, and dare I say it "valid" for those within those cultures globally as well as sub-cultures within America. Which brings me to my second thought, "for what purpose and for whose benefit?"

To this, with regard to the previous example, I would have to say, a very patriarchal and rural and or agricultural society. Again, a state of being which we can find all over the map and even in our own backyard still today. And I want to make clear before going any further, I think that women and men have the right to fill whichever role fits them best, and I think that deciding to stay home and raise children IS the hardest job you can have and is the most beautiful thing any woman can do for society, that is to rear wonderful human beings.

Having well defined gender roles keep everyone in their place, that is to say, keeps things simple and the roles, duties, and responsibilities well defined. Men are generally better suited for manual labor and harvesting, which leaves the house-tending and child rearing to the women-folk. Why confuse things, "if it’s not broke, don't fix it" right?

HOWEVER...

We don’t all live in simple pastoral and male dominated societies any longer (and thank the Lord! If you are among those that don’t think this is a good thing, ask Turkey or Iran how well they are transitioning these days). Some parts of society, more urban settings, and more industrialized nations have the luxury of leaving those previously mandated roles of both men and women to others in society. In many parts of America the men-folk no longer till their own farm and harvest their own crops, nor do they build their own barns and towns. So if they are freed up to pursue more creative passions and higher ambitions if farming or manual labor isn’t for them (of which I think either way is a good and honest way to earn a living, so I’m not knocking either), then why should women be relegated to tending house and children all day? That fancy job in the big city pays well, and women are graduating from college in higher numbers than men, so why shouldn’t we hire maids and nannies? (I wish!) Men are allowed to have different roles and expectations now-a-days, so why shouldn’t women as well?

My point is – that gender roles serve the purpose of their particular society, in its own time and place; they serve as societal guidelines to better serve the larger community’s goals. Furthermore, when gender roles aren’t well defined, this leads to confusion, frustration, bruised egos of men and stressed-out bodies of women. But that’s a whole other tangent, and I’m already waaay over my word-count limit! :)

But I say a good bit of this tongue-in-cheek, because there are those times, after a long day at work, a long night at school, and a longer night of staying up to finish a paper before I have to wake up and do it all again, when I ask myself, "when do I have time to cook or grocery shop, let alone relax, and when will I ever have time to raise a family?" And there are those times when my partner, a man who was raised by a strong independent female who could "do it all" (work, grad school, and raise two nearly perfect children 20 something years ago when it was all that much more difficult), doesn’t open a door, fails to take out the garbage, or doesn’t stand up to a person or situation because he knows that we are equals and I can take care of it just as well as he can – and I wonder, is this really any better than "how it used to be?", Is it worth the trade-off?

Ultimately, I think that what matters most is being able to make the decision for ourselves and not have it forced on us by society or religion, whether it’s a woman wanting to be a high-powered attorney and paying someone to care for the kiddos during the day, or a man cultivating his caring nature and becoming a nurse or stay at home dad. Because the most functional societies are those that are filled with individuals who are allowed to follow their dreams and give of their greatest strengths and talents back to society, whatever roles those might fit.

Submitted by Summer Cartwright.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Old, Elderly & Dying...Are You Scared?

#1 The Best Scrambled Eggs I've Ever Had

I'm only scared of getting older or dying inasmuch as it would deny me more time to see and do everything I've wanted to do during my life. I'm not scared of wrinkles or the other vain trappings of youth. I'm not scared of what happens after I die; I figure who cares at that point? I don't really believe in "Hell" and my guess is that my conscious mind will cease to exist as I know it (even if my "soul" lives on).

What I am scared of is having enough time to do the things I want, but being incapable of doing them because of sickness or disability. But again, what can you do? It's not like one can live their life to the fullest while being afraid of something that may or may not happen.

In general, I've enjoyed getting older. I've enjoyed gaining comfort in my own skin even if that skin has started to ever so slightly show wrinkles or grow gray hairs. I've enjoyed watching the smile lines in my stepmother's face become more pronounced even though I worry more now when she gets sick. I loved my Papaw's hands with their crepe-like texture and arthritis that spoke of a life of hard work yet somehow had the magical power to make the best scrambled eggs I've ever had. There were a lot of great stories in those hands. There are a lot of great stories in a many gray hairs, wrinkly faces, and knotted joints.

Our culture's aversion to the elderly or dying is a shame. By pretending these people don't exist or that their usefulness has been expended, it's as if we're omitting a key part of the human experience. Not only is that unfair to those people in terms of denying them the dignity they deserve, but it is unfair to ourselves in denying us opportunities to learn from them and perhaps prepare ourselves for the inevitability of standing in their shoes some day.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#2 Turn The Bathroom Into A War Zone

How do I feel about death? Resigned to it. It’s unavoidable. I can’t stop it, nor would I want to if I could. If you thought an 80-year old had the ability to turn the bathroom into a war zone, imagine the damage an 800-year old could do. Plus, really, my 401(k) doesn’t have the funding necessary for that long of a retirement.

Am I scared of death? Not really. I have faith. Why do people have faith? Well, let’s be realistic. We need to know that there’s something bigger and better than our physical life. The years we spend on this planet are but an ultra-microscopic speck on the fabric of time. Once we’re gone, then what? Are we merely fertilizer for the following generations, or do we ascend to a higher plane of existence? Nobody knows for sure because none of us have done it. Enter faith – the hope for something better.

Submitted by Neal Harkner. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#3 Little More Than Survival

Nope, I’m not scared, though I probably was 20 years ago. I wish I could say for sure that the shift is due to an amazing process of spiritual maturation, but last week we talked about lying... Seriously, some of its about maturing, and some of its about being tired.

My greater concern about the subject is what it has to say about our faith commitments. My doctor friend reminded me recently that about 80% of our healthcare money is spent at the end of life, trying to eeeek out a final few days, weeks or months which are often spent in little more than survival mode. I understand why people who claim no hope beyond death might fall into this, but its interesting to me how those of us who believe that physical death is just the next birth can be driven by the same anxiety.

The true meaning of the word “martyr” is to “be a witness in death.” My prayer and my goal is to have the courage to save my family a few thousand bucks by saying yes to birth rather than maintaining a strangle-hold on this existence. And I AM curious to know if and how our health-care system would be effected if all people of faith were able to choose this route.

Submitted by Wesley M. Eades, Ph.D. Visit his blog - Practical Spirituality

#4 A Sky-diving Trip With The Parachute "Mistakenly" Left Out

I will start by saying that I am not one of those people who views death as some sort of "glorious" release into the afterlife. Who are these people who can’t wait to die, just to "see what’s next"? It’s not that the idea of heaven doesn’t excite me too; but I am in no particular hurry to have my life come to an abrupt end. As a child, my mother always taught me to savor each moment in life, and to live every day to the fullest. The philosophy stuck with me, because as a result…I love life! (Mondays being the exception, of course) However, I do not fear death either.

I will accept death when the time comes, though perhaps a bit reluctantly. In our culture, we try so hard to pretend that death is some "accidental misfortune" that only afflicts some. Denial is one of the stages of death after all! Why do we fear death so much? It’s as though death is stalking us separately in the shadows…not true my friends! Death is inside us all, "from the moment we are born…" so-to-speak.

Maybe it’s because we aren’t living well. In my humble opinion, dying should just be the big finale to a well-lived life. I’ve always said that I want to go out with gusto…perhaps a sky-diving trip with the parachute "mistakenly" left out of my pack. In those final seconds (if I am fortunate enough to have them), I want to know that my life mattered, that I savored each moment, and that I did not squander my time in this fragile body. Then I can smile and say (or think)… "fine, let’s see what’s next!"

Submitted by Mr. E.

#5 Completing A Life Takes More Work

The inevitable ending...

I know, for me, the thought that once my time is over on this earth and there is no coming back is somewhat, "whoa." Am I scared? Ultimately, no. I hope that it is something that does not happen suddenly nor soon, but I can't bring myself to be afraid of something that is certain to happen; that also includes getting old. I can't stop it, it's impossible. Therefore I ask, why try? I know from my experience that worrying about the past, concentrating only on the past can keep us from experiencing the future. Just as there are amazing journeys waiting for us in our 20's and 30's, there are also exciting things waiting for us in our 50's and 60's.

Finally, there is one thing a person can experience in his or her senior days that is not available in the early days, the opportunity to say, "My life is complete." It is perhaps the ultimate accomplishment. Completing a life takes more work than building a house, creating a career or raising a family. A life is all of those in one. So if we worry about what we could have done as we go along, we can miss out on things we can do later on.

Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"

#6 Technology At Its Best

Right now, my mother’s husband is dying. Yes, I know. We’re all dying. He’s had a defibrillator for more than a dozen years. It’s gone off on numerous occasions, jolting him back to life. Each time, he’s left weak and disoriented. The defibrillator’s been replaced several times. During each replacement, it’s updated and upgraded with the latest technology. Now, the rest of his organs are failing also. He is currently in a rehab center, where he is miserable. He cannot walk and is undergoing painful physical therapy.

The defibrillator went off again last week when his heart stopped. My mom watched in horror as he was jolted back to consciousness, once again. While it sounds crass, the situation begs the questions, “What quality of life is this?” “Is this the will to live…or is this just technology at its best?”


Submitted by Toni Donaldson

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Everybody Lies...Do You?

#1 The Taste A Lie Leaves In My Mouth

Yeah I Lie. Seldom. I am not good at it and I don't like the taste a lie leaves in my mouth. Maybe I should try it more often.

Submitted Anonymously.

#2 A Terrifying Philosophy Of Life

To avoid yet one more lie, I’d have to answer, “Yes.” I lie. And I guess I’d say that anyone who claims not to is...well... a liar.

I think I’m fairly typical in that I justify most of my lying by concocting all sorts of interesting stories and excuses for my fabrications (lying to myself about my lies?).

As a counselor, I’m aware that were it not for the universal penchant for lying, I’d have a hard time making a living. Some form of deception is almost always at the heart of the dilemmas people bring in to my office. Let’s face it, “the truth shall set you free” might make for a nice bumper sticker, but it is a terrifying philosophy of life.


Submitted by Wesley M. Eades, Ph.D. Visit his blog - Practical Spirituality

#3 Not Worth The Fight

Tennessee William's wrote that "mendacity is a system we live in." I tend to agree, but I also try not to be a part of the system to the extent that I can.

We all lie. I lie when I want to spare someone’s feelings or when it’s not worth the fight it would cause to tell the absolute truth. Some might say this makes me a dishonest person. I don’t think that it does to the extent that those lies do not amount to me sacrificing my integrity or causing others harm. Being honest, to me, is being truthful to yourself and the understanding you have with those closest to you. Staying on those ideals keeps me from becoming a part of the system.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her Facebook Profile.

#4 A Naked-Looking Suit To Fool Me

Expected dishonesty....this could refer to a lot of things, but I will address the "white lies" told to children.

When I was a child, I imagined that everything was a set-up. I thought that I was the only little girl who was naked under her clothes and that everyone else was wearing a naked-looking suit to fool me. I thought that my Father was a very rich man who had paid off the world around me to keep quiet about how there really wasn't a God. And when I asked my dad what a hickey was, and he told me, I didn't believe him until I confirmed it with a 5th grade friend.

For whatever reason, I was naturally suspicious that others, specifically my parents, were out to fool me.

If my parents had convinced me, as a small child, of a fat guy with a white beard who gives me gifts at Christmastime, only to reveal to me years later that it was all a big story, I think that I would never have trusted them with the really big stuff. I would have never learned to value the truth, and it is questionable whether I would, today, believe in God.

To me, there is no such thing as a "white lie." And I am really thankful that my parents chose to ALWAYS tell me the truth.

Submitted by Beth Rogers. Visit her blog -
Veritable Observations.

#5 Oh, Wait…I Just Lied!

I never lie…oh wait, I just lied! :)

For those who know me, I have a hard time lying. Sometimes, in the excitement of sharing an anecdote, I add or change a detail to enhance the story, but it is not true. Immediately after it comes out of my mouth, I stop and say, “Oh, wait. I just lied.” Then I continue with my story without any falsified additions.

One of my favorite TV shows is House, M.D. Two quotes made famous by the main character, Dr. Gregory House, are: “Everybody lies” and “Truth begins in lies.” I find these statements to be both true and profound.

So what is truth?


Postmodernism defines truth as a subjective construct associated only to the individual who held it. This concept allows for the existence of many equally valid truths, yet the idea of an absolute truth is undeniably rejected. So how then, if all truths are equal and valid, can any truth, even absolute truth, be rejected?

And the pendulum swings…

Fundamentalism (in any faith) upholds the belief of understanding and enforcing “absolute truth” upon all people. Only when one fundamentalist faith recognizes another fundamentalist faith enforcing their truth upon the world do they understand the dangerousness of this practice.

We must find the balance. We must live in the balance. We must live in the tension of the pendulum swings, and this is where we will find truth. Otherwise, truth is held hostage and confined to human definition; or truth is relative. And “if truth is relative, it’s impossible to lie” (Gene Edward Veith).


Submitted by Brandi Buchanan, M.Div. Visit her blog – The Living Witness.

#6 I Call It A Disease

“I would never lie. I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation”, quotes Fox Mulder. Everybody lies and yes, I too am in that pool of liars. As much as I detest this fact, saying that I do not lie would in itself be a Big Fat Lie!

Lying - as immoral as it may be - is a natural force of habit humans, collectively, exhibit in their social realm. It is so natural that for some liars, it’s hard to decipher truth from untruth, because the lies have somehow managed to become their individual truths.

Even the society we live in lies too. In fact, society imposes lies on people and people themselves impose lies on society. The viscous circle is unending. We thrive on such immoral behaviors and after doing it for so long with out consciously thinking about it, we become numb to the values of truthfulness. Take for example our current world economy. How did we get here one would ask? Well, it all starts with those little “white lies that spin out of control and turn into big, bad monster lies. In this mix, we also find greed, and deception, which are all first cousins of the word “lies.”

Truth, although hard to find, keeps us all on the straight and narrow path. Individuals that are masterminds of lying have definitely trailed off this narrow pathway and can’t distinguish truth from lies anymore especially when the lies they tell seem to dominate and even extinguish any truth that they may have originally possessed within. Because I have lived and witnessed this type of lying, this topic is all too real to me A close family member is afflicted with this disease of lying and has been labeled a compulsive liar. I call it a disease because at this compulsive stage of lying, anyone that tells a lie for no just cause and uses a lie to cover up that lie and on and on just for the sake of lying has some real major issues and at some point loses all senses of self and thus can not be trusted with much.

To end, I leave with a quote from an African proverb that states, “The end of an ox is beef, and the end of a lie is grief!”

Submitted by Kristine Ogbolu.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Your Perspective

If you would like to be a guest writer on the Six Perspectives Blog, please feel free to contact me directly (jason.l.buchanan@gmail.com). Thanks for participating in the discussion and for adding your perspective.

What is "Six Perspectives"?

Six Perspectives was once a forum for writers to share their perspectives on planned topics.  Posts were typically full of varying opinions on current events and trends from six unique perspectives. 

The idea behind Six Perspectives was simple and pure – people benefit from perspective but are often unable to obtain it alone. In creating a forum that offers perspective, I hoped also to gain it.

Now, Six Perspectives is the holding site for my personal thoughts and considerations.  I will eventually transition away from the title "Six Perspectives", but for now I'm just calling it, "[NOT] Six Perspectives".

Feel free to go back and read the posts from prior years and see what opinions where shared in the past.