unique perspectives from six people

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Who Can Adopt?

#1 Stable Life

We adopt so that we can provide a suitable lifestyle and unconditional love to a child. I do believe that a main criteria must be that the adopter is able to provide the same situation for their own self. We always hear about helping others, but it is also important that we make sure we, as well, are taken care of. Having our own stable life allows us to pass that particular lifestyle to those whom we adopt. Of course there are other factors, I simply believe that this one idea is important before considering adoption.

Now I know there is a big debate over whether or not gay couples should be able to adopt. I have always said that I am amazed by the passion that the gay community has about marriage and family. I am not saying its non-existent, but it's sometimes hard to find that same kind of passion in straight couples these days. If a homosexual couple is stable they should be able to adopt. I could actually go on and on about this topic, though, given the circumstances, I'll end it here and perhaps continue in the comments section.

Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"

#2 In The Words of a T-Shirt

Who can adopt? Any person or couple who can provide a stable, loving home to children in need. This includes gay couples, single parents, and older people. In the words of a t-shirt I saw recently, "Two dads are better than none." Anyone willing to give a home to a child in need deserves a medal, not a hard time.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#3 More Questions

This week’s topic gave me more questions than answers:

  • Why do I have a problem with uber-celebrities adopting children from foreign countries?
  • Why do I think homosexuals will raise homosexual children?
  • How do you become capable of deciding, “Who can adopt?”
  • Are children actually “better off” with adoptive parents – or would they have been better with their natural parents, regardless of the circumstances…?
  • Do I think I am capable of adopting children? And, would I be considered capable of adopting children?
  • Should there be limits on the number of children a family (or person) can adopt?
  • Does providing financial compensation for providers of foster-care discourage families from adopting (because there is no $$ in it…)?
All in all, I think I am capable of adopting – but I don’t want to… Even more, I don’t think there is anyone truly capable of determining who can.

Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#4 An Act of Love

Adoption is an act of love. No matter what kind of adoption is performed. It is an act that willfully represents the unselfish act of love and kindness that is bestowed upon one another or even for any other living, breathing, object.

If the world would only open their eyes and hearts to the many different needs in society besides their own, we would undoubtedly realize the need to adopt those less fortunate or those looking for a loving home that will adequately provide a loving roof over their head, or a nurturing environment to help with their development.

Who should adopt? This question leaves open many difficult answers from different sects or groups. Today’s society has the notion that homosexuals should not be allowed to adopt children into their homes because of the lifestyles and values that the particular environment may present upon the child. Although, I partially agree with this thought, I do again have to go back to the main essential needs of the child or children being adopted by such groups or any groups. If there is an abundant amount of love, respect, discipline, adequate care and concern in the homes of people privileged to adopt, then, I would not have a problem allowing such groups or anybody extending their arms to receive or adopt a child that is homeless, needing these qualities. Many would disagree with homosexuals adopting, especially the religious groups who would point it back to the bible. The fact of the matter is this, if many heterosexuals disagree with homosexuals adopting, then more heterosexuals should be at the fore front of the issue and adopt more children into their home and provide the perfect environment to raise up and adopt children without a loving, nurturing home. It is simply just an unselfish act of love being extended to those less fortunate.

Submitted by Kristine Ogbolu.


#5 Anyone

Anyone who has love to give. Yep, I said anyone. That of course does not include pedophiles but other than that ... Anyone. I don't care if you are married, straight or gay. Why should we decide who is "worthy" of being a parent? If you have love in your heart to share and the means to take care of that child then I'm not stopping you. People who have far less to give a child are already parents.

Submitted by Tabitha Frohardt-Johnson. Visit her blog, TFJ Photography {Beautifully You}.


#6 No One

Parents just screw kids up - to some degree. All parents, all kids. Even those with the best intentions. Why should anyone be able to screw kids up that aren't really theirs? They shouldn't. But, I guess the alternative is for countless kids wandering around homeless. No one wants that, so we allow people to adopt - when that is really not preferred.

Submitted by Anonymous.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Why Do We Smoke?

#1 It Has To Be To Impress The Opposite Sex

It has to be to impress the opposite sex. Why else would you smoke? It can't be for the smell, the taste or for the cancer that seems to be a "Thank You" gift for many years of smoking. I think the billions spent in advertising back in the day worked and stuck with us. The image of the Marlboro man with his strong jaw line, cowboy boots and his 5 o'clock shadow...there's a reason they didn't pick the small frail male model with black eyeliner. They picked someone who woman wanted and men want to be. It's all about making ourselves attractive in the eyes of someone else.

Submitted by Tabitha Frohardt-Johnson. Visit her blog, TFJ Photography {Beautifully You}.

#2 "You Know, You Should Really Put Down That Drumstick..."


I smoke. There, I said it. I smoke because I love the unique bouquet created by a good red wine mixed with a cheap cigarette. I smoke because I enjoy the feeling invoked by brooding while inhaling and exhaling thick, tarry smoke. I smoke because something about great conversation with friends is enhanced by passing around a box of Newports and giving in to the abandon of the moment.

I also smoke because I'm addicted to a degree; if not physically, definitely mentally. I smoke less than four or five cigarettes a day, but I shamefully admit the addiction part of it. I shamefully admit that sometimes during a stressful work day all I can think is, "God, I need a cigarette," at which point I take a break outside to smoke and let the nicotine calm my nerves (the cigarette buzz is real, my friends).

My point is that smokers like myself smoke for a myriad of reasons. So, when approached and told by well-meaning friends or strangers, "You should quit! That's so bad for you," mentally I'm already thinking, "REALLY? Holy shit! I had no idea!" I mean, honestly, it's not the first time me or any other smoker have been told this. We're not stupid; it's not as if we don't know it's bad for us. Anyone who has had a rough night of smoking and drinking to wake up to a raspy voice and coughing knows this. But, there are a ton of different reasons we do it anyway. We've weighed the good versus the bad, and decided to do it anyway.

I akin smoking to eating greasy, sugary, or processed foods and not exercising. Both are terrible for you. As a matter of fact, one could argue that eating greasy, sugary, or processed foods and not exercising could be worse for your health than smoking. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States. Diabetes is the seventh. Yes, cancer is the second, but after skin and lung cancer, colorectal cancer is one of the three most common cancers. What causes heart disease, diabetes, and colorectal cancer? Eating greasy, sugary, or processed foods and not exercising. But, would it be acceptable for me to walk up to someone I don't know at the local Popeye's and tell them, "You know, you should really put down that drumstick... It's so bad for you!" Absolutely not! For some reason, though, it's become acceptable to vilify smokers in this way.

So, pardon me if I am unapologetic for enjoying a cigarette every now and then. I will quit when I feel the time is right. But, in the meantime, leave me to my Newports and organic, non-bGH milk, and I'll leave you to your hot wings and cola.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#3 "Will That Be Smoking Or Non-Smoking?"

I think the reason why people smoke is because smoking is more than an activity, it's a culture. Smoking has become such a way of life that we are even required to identify our associated category every time we step into a restaurant, "will that be smoking or non-smoking?" Similar to other discoveries, humans indulged into the fascinations of tobacco while embracing it's stimulation long before the knowledge of any of the negative implications it possesses. Though, despite all we have learned about tobacco, I do believe the real reason why people continue to smoke is simply because it legal to do so. Look at alcohol. We all know that without alcohol a person would probably live out a more healthy life, but we do it anyways. I am not sure what satisfaction comes from smoking - I tried it once and didn't care for it, but as long as it is legal and there continues to be no noticeable immediate consequences, people will smoke.

Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"

#4 Desperately Gasping For Air From Your Oxygen Mask

Why would healthy minded, thinking adults choose to begin and continue an ever-increasingly expensive habit, which is known to be more addictive than many illegal drugs, makes you feel really bad in its absence, and carries with it a very strong possibility of ending your life by painfully eating out your insides until all of your organs fail and you've wasted away to nothing while desperately gasping for air from your oxygen mask?

From a non-smoker's perspective, I’m really not sure, but here are my thoughts:

The first picture that comes to mind is large groups of women standing around outside at lunch, or before and after work, all with cigarettes in their hands, puffing away and gabbing about the day's events or what their stupid husbands did the day before. And I know from experience that it's a little bit uncomfortable to hang with the big smoking gang if you're not also smoking. This is because all the smokers can stand around, talking with their friends, while pretending that the only reason they're hanging out is to smoke. If you don't have a cigarette, you have to admit you're just there to hang out with people, and maybe you want to be their friend, which is a much more vulnerable position.

The second thought is, of course, addiction. In our ten year marriage, my husband has quit smoking - successfully - 3 times. And I know from watching, that once you start, it is REALLY hard to stop. And while you're stopping, you are a huge pain in the butt to your loved ones who are trying to support you until the withdrawals ease up.

My last thought is more about how you started, which is a lot like the first paragraph: you're friends are doing it, or you think it's cool. And perhaps, in your youthful - or not so youthful - arrogance, you're just sure that YOU won't get addicted. You'll just check it out. You wouldn't want to be naive and not know what it's like, right? And then after whatever got you there gets you there, you're back to my second thought: it is really hard to stop.

Vicious cycle anyone?


Submitted by Beth Rogers. Visit her blog - Veritable Observations.


#5 I Smoke Every Day

There is a difference between smoking cigarettes and smoking cigars.

Though I am not an avid smoker of either, some of my best memories with friends are from back in the day on the porch smoking
cheap Swisher Sweets. And even though my voice was raspy the next day, the community (and memories) I have were definitely worth it.

I believe smoking is largely about participating in community. When we were all together - smoking a cigar - there was something inherently connective there. This isn't new, though...t
he Native Americans were smoking for community long ago - hence, the practice of smoking the "Peace Pipe". This is probably the best place, though, for the obvious departure from "smoking for community" and our more recent devolution - "smoking for addiction".

We smoke because we have to. Those that choose to smoke, likely do so because of addiction and have very little active desire to continue the practice. And though I don't personally smoke, I do breathe in second hand smoke every morning/evening as I walk through the basement of the parking garage - why would they put the "designated" smoking area there??? In a sense, I smoke every day.

Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#6 I Just Can't

After I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was told by my doctor that if I continued smoking I'd die faster. I want a cigarette so bad, but I just can't.

Submitted by Anonymous.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Is Divorce Bad?

#1 Would You Like An Apple Pie With That?

In today’s society of quick meals, lightning fast information and blazing to-do lists, it’s no wonder that divorce percentages are on the rise. We’ve made it terribly easy to end what should be a lifelong contract.

Have you ever been involved in contract disputes or worked diligently to hammer out the details of an agreement? What about if said agreement is broken? You may spend months, in some cases years trying to get it resolved. And that may be just a business matter or something else that in the grand scheme of your life barely matters.

My point is that collectively I think we take marriage too lightly. People figure that if it’s not going well in a couple of years, we’ll end it and start over with someone new. At that point you’ve broken your contract to each other (I’ll keep the religious implications to myself as I feel that will spark an even larger controversy). And why do people break those contracts; boredom, not what you expected, “irreconcilable differences”? These are not reasons for divorce. These are reasons to placate your ego and try to play the field again.

So is it all bad? Nope. There are legitimate reasons for divorce; marital infidelity, loss of trust, and addictions spring to mind. A family member of mine was married to a selfish, lazy, drug addict for a little under a year. To stay in that marriage would have crushed her soul. Now, we all advised against it in the first place but you know how well a family member who’s deeply in love responds to a confrontation like that.

The best advice I can offer is before you enter into that marriage pact, you be 100% sure that’s who you want to spend (and do) your life with. If you have even the slightest hesitation, wait. Spend some more time courting each other and learning as much about each other as you can. Don’t end up in the drive through lane of McDivorce’s when you think it’s going to work out.


Submitted by Brian McMeans.

#2 "Choosing" Divorce

Let's face it. Divorce is bad. When all other options are gone, and you are "choosing" divorce - it'd be a lie to say it any other way, "divorce is bad."

I'm not going to play the semantics game on this one...whether or not "divorce" is bad, or the actions leading up to the divorce are bad. I'll suffice it to say - spouses that have been through a divorce (or close enough to know the depth of that pain) think divorce is bad. No one truly "wants" a divorce.

Here we have the lesser of two bad options: stay together and be miserable or divorce and be miserable. Notice the outcomes are the same under both circumstances. People choose divorce for varying reasons - circumstances, of course, play a large part in this type of decision. Still, no one guarantees that life after divorce will be any better... My mother-in-law always says, "You're just trading one set of problems for another."


Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#3 Divorce Is Great!

Divorce is great! At least it was in my case... Sure, when my parents divorced, it was difficult, but with the difficulty also came the great sigh of relief that at least, finally, the two of them and our family as a whole could grow and move on to healthier and happier times. Eventually, both remarried, and have grown in ways that have been critical to their (and, in all honestly, my) happiness and that they never would have been able to if they'd remained married.

Divorce is neither good nor bad. Much like unicorns and leprechauns, "perfect" marriages just don't exist (because there are no "perfect" people). What does exist is two people trying to do the best they can at something very difficult: sharing one's life with another person. Everyone's capacity to do the things necessary for that (e.g., forgiveness, kindness, patience, compromise, etc.) is different. When people overestimate their capacity for these things and find themselves absolutely miserable in a marriage that will never lead to happiness or even contentedness, I think divorce can bring a great catharsis and opportunity for growth for all involved (including the children of that marriage). When people underestimate their capacity for these things and get lazy or too selfish to even try, however, I think divorce is tragic. In the end, only the two people involved in the marriage can know which of these they are confronting when they are contemplating divorce, and thus, only they will know whether it was a good or bad decision.

As for the greater societal impacts of divorce, well, that's another question. I know there are a lot of supposed negative impacts of divorce like children having emotional baggage, absentee dads, increased crime rates, poor school performance, global warming, JFK's assassination, who knows what else, etc., etc., ad nauseam. Everyone seems to lament the rising divorce rate, and it's horrible implications. However, why don't people more lament children getting married far too young to know their you-know-what from a hole in the ground much less how to have a happy and fulfilling marriage? Why don't people more lament the growing mindset that no one should have to compromise on anything and it's yourself who matters most? The supposed negative impacts of divorce on society as a whole are not the fault of divorce at all, but rather, the fault of people who have succumbed to the above pitfalls. How can one blame divorce and not the causes of it? Divorce is not the problem, but rather, the problem is how it has become acceptable for men and women to not act like adults during and after a divorce. For example, if a wife divorces her husband, there's no reason for her to act like she's in grade school and throw a hissy fit or complain to their children when the husband remarries; she needs to put on her big girl panties and act like an adult. Or another example: If a man divorces his wife because he's met someone younger, gotten hair plugs, and wants to re-live his 20s, he should go for it (truthfully, the wife would probably be better off). But, he has no reason to think he doesn't need to pay child support or give up the marital mansion so his kids can maintain their lifestyle. The man needs to sack up, own his decisions, and act like an adult.

It's not divorce that causes the people above to act in the ways that bring about negative impacts; it's the way people handle themselves. More and more people do not take the decision to enter into marriage, to have children, or their obligations to their wife, their husband, or their children very seriously. With visions of Norman Rockwell paintings and aprons and lawn mowers and houses in the suburbs dancing in their heads, they are shocked when the realities of those things take more work than anticipated and they either bolt without thinking or stay "for the sake of the kids" in miserable situations hurting themselves, their spouse, and their children in the process. In either case, the person is so caught up in their individual needs and concerns (yes, even in "for the kids" scenarios because that is ridiculous; they are really staying because they are afraid of the unknown), that they fail to act reasonably and with the ability to see the bigger picture that the situation requires. It is as though individualism has breached it's duty to also take responsibility for one's actions.

This, to me, is what is "bad", not divorce in general.

Submitted by Amanda Rogers, Esq. Visit her blog - Seven Eighty One.

#4 God Brings Good Things Out Of Bad Things All The Time

Divorce is justifiable in select situations, but married couples too easily give up.

Life has made me well-qualified to discuss this topic. My parents divorced when I was four, both got remarried to other spouses a few years after that, and my mom recently divorced my stepfather of 18 years. First off, let me say that, although these biographical tidbits seem bleak, I consider myself overwhelmingly blessed in my family life. My biological parents' divorce resulted in me having four extremely loving parents and four top-rate half siblings, which I consider “whole” siblings. I got to experience life through the lenses of two families living in two different places and holding two opposite world views, not to mention I was the beneficiary of Christmas presents from eleven different grandparents.

Let me be upfront: I refuse to say whether my parents' divorces were justifiable. I have no idea what either my dad and mom or mom and stepdad went through in their marriages. But here's what I can say with conviction, and I'm obviously using the epistemological foundation of Scripture:

  • Marriage was the first institution created by God and therefore must be important and taken seriously (Gen. 1-3).
  • Marriage is meant to be lasting. In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.")
  • God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
  • There's nothing in the marriage vows that say personal unhappiness is an excuse for divorce.
On the other hand,
  • The apostle Paul condoned divorce if a spouse committed adultery or if an unbelieving spouse no longer wanted to be married to a believing spouse (1 Cor. 7).
  • When the Israelites returned from the Babylonian exile in 6th century BC, they made amends with God by “putting away” their pagan wives (Ezra 9), though scholars debate whether this could be considered divorce because the marriages perhaps weren't considered legitimate in the first place.
  • Spouses should not have to stay in a married relationship that is physically or emotionally abusive.
Practically speaking,
  • Marriage is difficult and I'm assuming that most if not all married couples have times of extreme trial in their marriage.
  • Out of divorce often comes definite blessings, as in my family's case.
But to reconsider the merits of marriage,
  • Who knows if more blessings might have resulted if my parents hadn't divorced?
  • It seems to me, divorce is overused and is the perceived easy escape from difficulties. Furthermore, much can be gained from sticking-it-out and relying on a power outside of oneself to save the marriage.
  • Marriage is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and his church. Thus, the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect God's glory. The primary purpose is NOT the personal happiness of the individuals involved.
  • Our culture too often assumes that the happiness of parents is the most critical factor in the health of their children. But what about stability and community of a family that stays together? Are these not also critical factors?
In conclusion, good things can come out of divorce, but that doesn't necessarily make divorce itself a good thing. God brings good things out of bad things all the time. Also, there are legitimate reasons for divorce, but couples too easily resort to it. There's no justifiable reason for half of the marriages in the US to end in divorce.

Submitted by Amanda Stevens. Visit her Facebook Profile.

#5 Seriously, Grow Up!

Depending on the situation...No. Is it weak? Completely!

For it to have to come to that point is completely ridiculous. If two people in a completely monogamous relationship communicate and share every aspect of each others lives - mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally & sexually - there really should not be any problems if there is complete honesty between the two. If the view and opinions change that radically to make it come to the point of divorce, it had to have happened over a period of time. That period of time they could have fixed things.

There are those cases where physical abuse is introduced into the picture and I would say that is a completely valid reason for getting out. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THAT MARRIAGE!! No one deserves to be treated that way…there is someone bigger and better out there and God has a plan for you!

When it comes down to it, I blame most divorce cases on laziness...
  • Being too lazy to communicate with your spouse.
  • Being too lazy to talk things out and say what you really feel.
  • Being too lazy to spend time with your family and children.
Seriously, grow up! No one ever said marriage was easy!! It is hard and divorce is only the easy way out! When you say “I do”, in my opinion, that means for life, “Till death do you part”. So before you choose to marry someone, take a good deep breath and think, “Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” If the answer is “yes”, then be prepared for a rough rest 40+ years. There won’t always be good times and when those bad times come around, you need to fight for what you have. Because God has blessed you with your other half and in the end it will be completely worth it!! If you rely completely on God and put your faith in Him, your marriage can’t fail.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13.


Submitted by Aubree Averkamp.

#6 With Or Without That Warm And Fuzzy Feeling

Not too long ago, my answer to this would always be a resounding,"OF COURSE!" possibly followed by a mumbled "duh!"

Lately, I have heard several people say about divorced couples things like "they're really better off this way," and once or twice I have had to agree. My own response here shocks me, and so I reflect.

There are these situations wherein I have to agree that the children are better off or that one party or the other is now able to have a better life, etc. I think eventually, though, it comes down to what the marriage was to begin with. So i am coming to the conclusion that it is not so much the rate of divorce that alarms me as it is the frequency of what I will call (for the sake of this writing) "untrue marriage."

I fail to believe than any two people who begin marriage with the presupposition that if it doesn't work out, they can get a divorce, have entered into a true marriage. Marriage needs to mean forever. And if it doesn't, I'm really not sure what the point is. Also, if a marriage includes one or more persons who do not take seriously faithfulness and loyalty, the marriage is not true. This also applies to marriages in which one party or the other believes that love is a feeling and not an action. The vow to "love, honor, and cherish" wouldn't be a vow if someone somewhere - or a lot of someones somewhere - didn't believe that loving could be willed, with or without that warm and fuzzy feeling we get when we're in love or being romanced.

Before we were married, my husband and i agreed that "divorce is not an option." It was our mantra, meaning that we are in this together, and no matter what problem arises, there has to be something to solve it other than divorce.

I'm not naive. I know that if I were ever married to a man who ever did something as awful and horrifying as hurting our children or molesting someone, that I could not continue to live with him. That said, (with my tongue in my cheek...sort of) divorce would still not be necessary; if my husband molested my child, I would more likely become a widow than a divorcee.


Submitted by Beth Rogers. Visit her blog - Veritable Observations.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Do Facebook & Twitter Cultivate Community or Personality Disorder?

#1 I Get Jealous

Sure, Facebook is nice, but it makes me feel bad because I see how happy people are and how good everyone else is doing - and I get jealous.

Submitted by Anonymous.

#2 Talking Is Too Boring

I myself am addicted to both Facebook and Twitter, but I find that neither disrupt my ability to socialize with others on a face to face basis. I believe it's because I developed my social skills long before the development of these social networking sites. Both have helped me to reminisce with those whom I have not seen for years or do not see on a regular basis. They are impressive outlets for sharing information and my interests and it never seems to get old.

Unfortunately, I do believe these sites create social disorders among adolescents. They create the ability to communicate while eliminating the anxiety of confrontation and other social issues that people learn to resolve as they mature into adulthood. Body language and facial expressions play such a large role when it comes to communication. These roles are necessities when it comes to marriage, children, and careers. Social networking sites can't replace those roles, and if they ever do how genuine can those relationships really be?

I use Facebook so I can communicate things to a mass of people.

However when I see two girls at Starbucks having a conversation on Facebook while sitting across from each other it makes me wonder, are they just completely intrigued by technology or are they hiding events of their lives they don't others to hear? That's what's so great about texting, Twitter, and Facebook; you can dish to your friends without people over-hearing your conversation, like your parents. I am sure it won't be long before Twitter and Facebook are the new ways to break up with someone. There is no other species on Earth with the ability to communicate the way humans can, but I guess talking is too boring.


Submitted by Damian Trudell, Visit his blog - "My Thoughts"

#3 In Moderation.

I read a short story in college called The Machine Stops. It was about a post apocalyptic society that had completely moved underground and became dependent on “the machine” that provided their every need. Including human interaction via a video phone system. The people had become xenophobic; face to face interactions and contact frightened them. This story was written in 1947, long before the Internet was even conceived.

When thinking about sites like Facebook and Twitter, I reflect upon this story. Wondering if we are heading towards this type of society. Children (and adults) are addicted to these sites and use them to “talk” to their friends and family. Sites like these are fantastic for keeping in touch with family members across state lines. I use them to share pictures and news with my folks in Ohio. In addition, I’ve reconnected with friends from high school and college whom I probably wouldn’t have ever interacted with again had it not been for Facebook.

However as in all things good, it is so in moderation. There are some people who are on these sites too long and lack the social skills necessary when meeting others in public. Technology and sites like this are great tools, but I hope we remember that they’re just that; tools. Let us not become so dependent on them that we forget how to shake hands or talk to a human being.

Submitted by Brian McMeans.


#4 A Bridge To Community

With never-ending, limited-character updates being thrown from a thousand "friends" around the world, Facebook and Twitter can be extremely useful: I found out when my British friends had their second daughter via Facebook – and saved 40 bucks by messaging them instead of a phone call. I’ve seen lively conversations happen between @people @who @don’t @even @know @each other on twitter (not unlike this blog, actually. Hmm…). Facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. find their proper label as “a bridge to community.”

Can social media BE one’s community? No. That would just be sad. If you’re sitting at home watching their lives go by, clicking “refresh” every few moments and making endless comments, you’re kind of stalling out in the middle of the bridge!

But can social media inform community; build community; cultivate community? Absolutely. Without it, I am less connected; more separate from folks. With it, I can follow friends’ travels and life events, know how to pray for them, weep when they weep, be joyful in their joys, read various articles and resources they share, get to know what they care about enough to share with the world, and generally keep up with them. But the bridge is only complete when I move beyond this “information gathering,” and take the next step to engage them. I think this can happen in person, over the phone, on the web, or otherwise.

Case in point from early last week: at 6:40 I tweeted "Headed to see Transformers, Rave at 7; join if you want" (crossing the bridge). At 7:02 I received a text from a friend – who I hadn’t seen in months (pre-bridge): “I’m at the theater, where are you?” (post-bridge). Community cultivated. The end.

Submitted by Ben Connelly, Visit his blog - One Glory

#5 A Community Personality Disorder

I'm not sure I know how to appropriately "use" Facebook and Twitter. Are these internet-based services supposed to help me communicate with people or are they supposed to help other people communicate with me? I know this is really just a semantic difference, but I think semantics are important when we consider the purpose of words and the effects of those words on society and community.

Am I desperately trying to communicate with people - hoping to add meaning to my life? Or am I simply responding to the demands of others who seek my companionship - reluctantly, but nonetheless participating in community?

I think Facebook and Twitter cultivate both community and personality disorder - in all participants, at the same time. Personality disorders are the patterns and adjustments we create in our attempts to "deal with" the world. They are inherently negative. I believe we have collectively developed a "community personality disorder". By this, I mean that our community has developed a pattern of behavior that is not particularly well-suited to what we would consider a "normally functioning" community. It is certainly community - but with a definite personality disorder.


Submitted by Jason L. Buchanan. Visit his Facebook Profile.

#6 As If You Even Care!

I will begin by stating that I am somewhat new to the Facebook culture.

I resisted for a long time, before finally being coaxed in by a family member as an easier way to keep up with each other. It has since become somewhat of an outlet for me, both for entertainment purposes, as well as feeding narcissistic tendencies that I didn’t even know I had! I always want to end my status updates with “as if you even care!”…because I am one of those people who truly does not enjoy announcing every move I make. Those who know me well, know that I keep most of my thoughts and feelings pretty close to the chest, unless asked.

I often wonder if anyone on my friend list actually cares what I’m doing or thinking at that very moment, so there is that moment of hesitation before I post and update... "as if they even care!", I think to myself.

I have found, however, that if used properly, Facebook can be a useful tool for simply maintaining a network amongst friends who might otherwise be lost to each other due to distance or time constraints. The downside is that we are all drawn into the details of each others lives on a level that would not otherwise be possible. As such, I find myself investing myself emotionally in people’s everyday problems and thus stealing some of my attention away from more immediate issues in my own life. “Should I even care?”

Now, on the subject of Twittering… Play by play updates of someone’s grooming, eating, driving, sleeping and working habits? ”I don’t even care!”


Submitted by Mr. E